


suzaku and rivalz go to censored town

by gloinul



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Death of the Author, M/M, marik and bakura go to censored town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloinul/pseuds/gloinul
Summary: “i cant believe youve done this” rivalz said “why did you knock me over and put your heel in my chest in a way that was not sexual at all”“im a soldier lelouch can you use that information” suzaku said“im rivalz” rivalz said///parody of a parody of a parody of an adaptation of a show made to promote a childrens card game.
Relationships: Rivalz Cardemonde/Kururugi Suzaku
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	suzaku and rivalz go to censored town

**Author's Note:**

> march 20th, 2019. in the midst of a deep interest in yugioh and code geass, a group of friends, colloquially known as the juggalos, started this fanfiction as a joke based off of marik and bakura go to cumtown. through many long nights over discord, many passing fancies, and absolutely NO rewrites or editing, it came together: rivalz and suzaku go to censored town. though our interests have changed and most of us never even finished code geass, this fic stands a proud symbol of all that can be done when great minds think alike. enjoy.
> 
> tw: homestuck mention, fatman mgs2, and jacob.

one day suzaku was walking through the halls of ashford academy. 

“wow it has to have been like a month since i joined this school” suzaku said, to no one, because he was a social outcast. “i wonder when i will finally gain someone to talk to and eventually fuck maybe”

suddenly, lelouch appeared from a classrom “hello suzaku he said why are you here”

“why did you you say he said out loud” suzaku replied “also i go here”

“oh right lol. anyways im off to go do activities that dont involve terrorism or social-political commentary now ok bye”

“um bye” suzaku said as leloch strolled down the hallway to go not do anything involving terrorism or social-political commentary. but wait ......... who was that shadow following him in the hallway......... what if it was an attacker...........................

using his supe r soldier powers he knocked down the shadow in a way that involved several gratuitous shots of his ass and a flashback

“who are you!!!!!!!!” he said, standing over the potential attacker with his heel in their chest in a way thta was not sexual at all

“bro” the attacker said “its me” 

“WHU................” suzaku said horror dawning on his face “RIVALZ?!?!?!?!?!??!???!?!??!??!”

it was rivalz

“i cant believe youve done this” rivalz said “why did you knock me over and put your heel in my chest in a way that was not sexual at all”

“im a soldier lelouch can you use that information” suzaku said 

“im rivalz” rivalz said

“oh sorry” suzaku said

“ANYWAYS” rivals esclaimed throwing suzakus leg off him “i was going to follow lelouch to whatever he was doing but since i have no character outside of being comic relief for him i guess i have to be comic relief for you now”

“but i already have a comic relief character in my group” suzaku said

“oh the fuckin um” rivalz said “the uh”

“the blue haired guy”

“oh yeah the blue haired guy. hate that guy hes stealing my obligatory heterosexual love interest for no reason or maybe a reason but i havent watched that far yet”

“it’s probably for a reason” suzaku said, picturing whats his name in a wedding dress “i dont think hes physically capable of loving a woman”

“ah i see” rivalz nodded sagely “the gay coding”

“the gay coding” suzaku repeated

“the gay coding. anywho speaking of gay coding what are you doing this afternoon” rivalz said

suzaku thought. he was planning on doing something that might endanger his physical wellbeing or maybe gain another confusing pseudo love interestand maybe even reveal some of his tragic backstory in the process. “idk. id be down for some gay coding tonight”

“lol nice” rivalz said “see u then huhu wink”

~~~~LATER~~~~

as suzaku was returning to his quarters in where ever he lives i forgot, he remembered the promise he made to rivalz earlier ..........

“oh fuck” suzaku said again to no one because he was still a social outcast “i broke my promise................... my honor,.................. im going to have a flashback now”

he had a flashback

“shut up stupid” said flashback le louch “go get the boy”

He stopped having a flashback

“flashback leloch was right” suzaku exclaimed

suddenly there was a voice forom behind him ........................... “uh yeah i sure hope it was”

“LE DOUCHE??????????>?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??????!!!!!!!!!!?!??!?!??!?<” suzaku yelled 

“keh. its me ledouch” ledouch said “im here to give you relationship advice”

“you dont know anything about relationships luloush” suzaku huffed “you know more about terrorism than you d o relationships witch must be less than zero because you are in no way related to any terrorism or social political commentary”

“fuck you” lelouch said “what about me and um”

“yeah”

“uh”

“yes”

“comfort character or like um shirley temple or uhhhhhh”

“who lelouch”

“calling”

suzaku squinted.

“ok i do”nt know anything lelouc sighed. “just do your gay coding and go im going to be emo now”

“ok bye lelouch” suzaku said as he stalked off into the caverns of the school (?) or wherever suzaku lives. with that over with he could officially go and sulk over his broken promise in peas.

but when he opened his door ........................... 

“suprised?” said riva;z who was laying on his bed 

“RIVALZ?????!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!”

“actually my name is pronounced rih-vul with no z sound. i didnt want to correct you bc it mightve ruined my chance to get w that” rivalz said, shifting and displacing some of the flower petals he’d lain on the matress.

“oh my god sorry.” sazaku said. “btw what kind of flowers are those”

“oh theyre um” rivalz pulled out a trader joes recept from god only knows where “ivy of some sort”

“BRO. im fucking allergoc to ivy”

“well its poison ivy as well so i wouldnt be suprised” rivalz said.

“bro”

~~~~ ONE TRIP TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM LATER ~~~~

rivalz and suzaku were chilling outside of the now quarantined wherever suzuaku resides. 

“well” rivalz started

suzaku slapped his stupid ass

“BRO YOU GOT MY PLACE OF BEING QUARANTINED” suzaku yelled

“ow my ass” said rival 

Go to watering hole“ said suzkau

“what” said rivals

they went to watering hole

“this is a pothole” said rivalz 

“shhhh” said suzaku “we havt o prallel marik and bakura go to censored town or else 14 will get mad”

“all this nonsense is unhornying me” said rivals

W SHIT suzaku thought 

W SHIT is right rivalz thought

woah you can read minds suzaku thought

“no youve just been saying all of this out loud because youre used to talking to yourself due to the fact that yoy are a social outcast” rivalz said

“:pensive:” suzaku said 

rivals looked at him “pensively”

suzaku looked at ruvals also “why did you say that”

“it’s air quotes except it doesn’t work in a literaely format” rivalz said thotfully 

“huh.” said suzkaku

suzaku sat in the watering hole and flashed back about all of this 

“hey suzaku watch this im gonna do a flip” rivalz said, becuase obviously rivalz was the marik of this fanfiction

rivals fuckin dies (temporarily)

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH TIVALZ!!!” suzaku shouts

rivals cums back from the dead “ya?”

sukaku looks at rivalz “why the fuck did you do that”

“to make 14 happy” 

“ah.” 

suzaku smelles the air “shhh rivalz get down” 

the duck into the closest bush. the bush is rly small so they have to get really close to each other and feel each other’s heat and whatever wink wink pining bullshit

“what’s wrong suzan” rivalz whisperered 

“i smell danger with my military senses” suzaku answered, “also why the fuck did u call me suzan”

“it’s ur funny pet name that i’ve decided will become the heartwarming centerpiece of this fanfics” 

“great. thanks” suzan said, already tired of this utter bullshit. “i sure hope nobody hears youyelling through these bushes”

“i agree it would destroy the atmosphere of our non homosexual boy time”

as he said this.. they heard footsteps...... the smell of cologny................. it was............ FAT MAN

“im the fatman” said fatman metal gear solid 2

“wow this reminds me of the time i played metal gear solid two” rivalz loudly exclaimed

“what” suzaku

he looked at this man 

“wow he really does look just like fatman metal gear solid 2” suzaku said

“i am the farman metal gear solid two” fatman metal gear solid two said 

“i must defeat this man with my military skills” suzaku thought

he defeated thhe man with his military skills

“why are you doing this to me” fatman said “i literally didnt do anything”

“im trying to prevent the events of metal gear solid two so all the ao3 snotacon shippers have to change the tags on their fics to canon divergent”

“this last scene was very redundant and i don’t like it.” 14 said, sporting a hakama. “nothing like the other one with yugioh.”

14 dies immediately 

“ok fuck this” suzaku said. suddenly hooah yes yes yes yes the lancelot or whatever its HOOAH called appeared and suzaku drove away

rivals yelled, shocked by the sudden appearance of the car “car?!”

suzaku nodded sagely, “car.”

and as suzaku drove away into the sunset, rivalz muttered a quiet “well so much for rivalshipping” and went to do another handstand

~~~~IN THE LANCELOT(which is a car this time around)~~~~

“goddamn this fucking sucked i did not get a single fuck”

“hyeah i’ll say” said lloyd over a small screen in the dashboard

“why are we in a bmw”

“his name is lancelot and he is my friend.” llod said “i sensed that you needed a quip escape and called my talking car lancelot”

“hey” said lencelot

“well this doesnt follow canon at all” said 14

14 dies immediately. for realsies this time. 

suzaku drove into the vast expanse of the desert even though this tkes place in a british-colonized version of japan. oyd turned on the radio and the sound from the THX ad before movies played very gently, unable to be turned up, down, or off.

“hargh i came into the desert to reflect but now im stuck with you idiots” suzaku grumbled

“lol came” jacob 

rip jacob 2005-20XX cause of death: immediate 

lloid looked

“well you are. we might as well do some heart to heart” loud said

“aw fuck aw shit” suzaku said “this is just like when i **********************************************”

“wow it really is”

“im censoring it so there are no spoilers” suzaku said but also this took place in the past so suzaku wouldnt know about the event the author was referencing unless he had seen code geass lelouch of the re;surrection (out now in select theatres). makes you think

“makes you think ” lloyd said “anyways”

“yeah ok so what do you want to know”

“HHMMMmmmmMmmm...........” loud said in that way where his voice goes up and down “WeLl we always wondered”

“whos we” suzaku interpellavit

“oh me and cicile and also lancelot the talking car in this fanfiction” lloyd said

“hello” said lancelot. 14 was unable to comment on this due to the fact that hes dead lol)

“we had always wondered where you live”

“ok well its a long story but actually i found out the other day while doing reasearch on an image i had found where rivalz was fixing his bike and suzaku was hanging w him thats the basis of my unironic enjoyment of rivalzaku or at least their dynamic that theres actually an episode 6.75, a picture drama featuring rivalz, suzaku, cecile, and lloyd. in that it actually had a bit where suzaku mentions that he lives in military quarters in a nearby university along with lloyd and cecile. rivalz suggests that suzaku become his roommate at ashford, with what the wiki describes as being “a hint of loneliness” in his voice. though suzaku refuses, this interaction does establish that suzaku and rivalz are close friends and that rivalz does genuinely care for suzaku. i think it also gives us an introspective on rivalz’s character that we usually-” judas said from the back seat before suzaku threw him out of the window. 

“god i hate that guy hes always trying to analyze shit” suzaku said

“Me too hahahahqahahhahdhasdasdasdfafasf” said lolyd adn lancalotte in unison.

“oof da” said judas from outside of the car

“anyways ive been wondering why rivalz has been acting weird” suzaku said

“in what way” lloyd sayd “i act weird all the time but you dont wonder about that”

“i do, actully, but ive decided not to question it. however”

“however”

“however. rivalz has been wack recently. infecting my living quarters, kerpranking me by accidnntally dying for a little bit, luring one of metal gears funniest villains to come and attack me. does he hate me or what”

lloyd reached through the computer screen a punched him

“yowcho” suzaku yelped

“you really are new to gay coding huh” lloyd said “you would think what with one of the most popular pairings in the code geass fandom being suzalulu that you wouldnt be so fucking stupid when it came to this part”

“lol people call lelouch lulu in the code geass fandom” suzaku 

“not really i think the code geass ‘fandom’ consists of three to four people, all of whom have collaborated on or are mentioned in this fic” lloyd said “though with the release of the new movie that may change. wouldnt get my hopes up though”

then a hologarm of lloyd spinning around in a chair was projected rigth in front of suzakus face

“i cant see where im driving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” suzaku yelled

“well i needed to make sure i wasnt being TOO out of character” lloyd said

“beep beep honk honk” lancelot said before rapidly skidding around the desert and getting sand fucking everywhere.   
  
after getting sand sprayed right in his fucking eyes, suzaku started to think

“well this has taught me a lesson” sazuku said pensively

lloyd stopped his spinninh hologram “what the hell could you have learned from this”

“that if i dont get some dick ill end up like you” suzaku said determinatedly

“wow fuck you too i guess but thats fair” lloyd said 

~~ONE CAR RIDE BACK TO WARERING HOLE LATER~~

suzaku skidded back to by whereever the watering hole was i dont want to scroll up and check

“christ man you almost ran me over” said rivalz, who was still laying on the ground hiding from fatman (who was now dead i guess so snotacon shippers go change your tags) 

“rivalz while i was in the desert acting all big mad i learned something” suzaku said very confidently

“huh” rivalz said “how did you get to a desert”

“doesnt matter. as long as we stick to the script -”

“which we cant, due to the fact that we don’t have an established partnership in the show or good/evil alter egos to make the plot more interesting,” rivalz added

“- then everyone will be happy and judas will get to stop writing this.”

“great! what do i need to do then”

suzaku sighed “well you need to stop being goofy for a second. and then we have to be like i love you and im incapable of doing anything without you and then you have to put your penis in me immediately.”

“what the fuck”

“i dont make the rules, rival. we gotta hunker down and funker down. do the nasty.’ suzaku said.

“please just say sex”

“no”

“dude im not gonna fuck you if you say funker down.” rivalz

“fuck me the house down boots” said, suzaku

“bruh” rivalz said, head in his hands, pot hole water in his ass. “i mean i guess thats better. not good, obviously, but better. can i please go back to being the goofy one now”

“yes i’m exhausted”

“oh boy yippekiyay!” said rivalz, leaping to his feet and making a stupid face

“shut the fuck up, actually” said suzan

“make me” flounted rivalz

AND THEN THEY FUCKED (in the watering hole)

(and then got arrested)

(but broke out of jail)

(using the power of love)

( :) )

~~A FEW JAILBREAKS LATER~~

“this really taught me a lesson” rivalz said after they broke out of jail for the third time

“are you sure about that” suzaku said

“no i’m too stupid and gay to have thoughts” 

“also i’m sorry but i have to go” said rivals 

“why” said suzkau 

“i don’t talk to people who’s dicks are less than three inches” rivals sneered

“I TRYSTED YOU”

“TWO BAD.” sollux captor homestuck said 

“begone, THOT” rivalz said before kicking homestuck boy out of the story because fuck hs

“nooooooo” sollux captor homestuck said with a lisp and three twos 

“stoooooop youre gonna make people think we like homestuck” judas said, miraculously having survived being thrown out of lancelot the talking car

“okay okay okay watch this” cameron said making his first appearance in this fic

“ii am 2tupiid and home2tuck ii2 promblatiic dont read iit and iif you 2upport home2tuck get out of my fanfiictiion” sollux captor comestuck said with his last dying breath 

“ok that’s fine then” judas said

“time to kill you and then myself” cameron said before grabbing judas and dissapearibg

“who were those stupid twinks wink wonk” rivalz said “i hate twinks” rivalz continued

suzan gazped “but IM a twink and so ae you”

“thats just our yaoi artstyle. cant help being a clamp character”

“okay well also i just sucked your dick can’t help being a leo shut up you literal prick.” suzaku said with a rap-like flow

“foreskin” jacob said from the grave 

“what the fuck why are all these  [ https://codegeass.fandom.com/wiki/Holy_Britannian_Empire ](https://codegeass.fandom.com/wiki/Holy_Britannian_Empire) ans with american accents and bad choice of outfit here”

“bro im britain” said rival

“yeah you basically match what i just said lol” 

“we wear the same clothes” rivakz said pensively

“yeah but they make you look mega ugly xd can’t help being an aquarium” suzaku 

“i guess i can’t be mad because you’re a terrarium” 

“fuck yeah” 

cameron popped up from the ground “also we aren’t putting ourselves into this fanfic because we are baby bitch fanboys who write fanfics solely for self insert but we are in fact writing this while speaking to each other and we put these little bits in from our conversations as we write” cameron dies again 

no 14 is fucking permadead god says from the heavens

“well. we gotta get to the class clown meeting “ rivalz said

suzaku straightened up. “sure do”

suddently shirley temple appeared behind them

“hey gang” said shirley

“hiiiiiiii shiiiiirleeeeyyyyyyy” said rivalzaku in perfect synchronicity

“whats up :^)” shirley said

“wow what a riveting conversation. keh. im anime boy” said lelouche, teleporting behind rivalz and knocking him the fuck over.

“ow” said floor!rivalz

“huuuuuuuu” came a voice from down the hallway “its me nina” 

“hey guys” said blonde girl, barrelling down the hallway, nina in her arms

“i tgink thats everyone right” pondered leloush “lets go to my house slash the student council wing its very large for no reason”

“ok lol” said everyone

they went there

~~~THE END~~~

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or is it....................???

roll creditas

**Author's Note:**

> find us on twitter @bugprison
> 
> have any outstanding issues with this work? message judas on tumblr @ garak and he will get back to you swiftly and without mercy


End file.
